


Ethics of Hedonism

by Ciwu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, mentioned Vaxleth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7139972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ciwu/pseuds/Ciwu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Hedonism: the belief that pleasure or happiness is the highest good in life.</em>
</p><p>A character study on Vex and her views on the lifespan argument.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ethics of Hedonism

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy, this is entirely from Vex's point of view and she has some... uncharitable thoughts about Vaxleth. These are not necessarily my thoughts so be nice, please. This was also originally just going to be a post on Tumblr about how I don't think Vex would be as bothered by the lifespan thing as Keyleth is, but it sort of got away from me.

After the exhausting and stressful fight with Umbrasyl, Vex watches Keyleth rush over to Vax. For a moment, it looks like she's going to sweep him into her arms and just make out with him, which – gross, but hilarious since he's still shorter than Scanlan. Instead, Vex can see the instant Keyleth realizes, _oh, he's still small, that's super weird_ , and Keyleth ends up giving him the most awkward pat in history. 

Vax looks mystified and Vex rolls her eyes so hard she almost strains something.

She has slowly gotten used to this thing her brother has with Keyleth. It's sort of a relationship and it's sort of not, and Keyleth clearly has no idea what she wants out of it, while her brother just wants anything she's willing to give him. Keyleth runs hot and cold with Vax, and Vex is... not fond of that, to say the least, but she's resigned herself to just letting it play out. If it blows up, then it blows up and it'll be tense for awhile but they'll all move on with their lives and be happier for it.

Vex doesn't have much more perspective on the relationship than anyone else in Vox Machina because getting Vax to say anything meaningful about his weird relationship is like pulling teeth. But it wasn't too long ago that he admitted to Vex that if Keyleth was successful on her druid journey pilgrimage thing, she'd have a greatly increased lifespan. And as a result, Keyleth was apparently nervous about loving Vax because she'd greatly outlive him.

Which sounds like a great big load of dragon shit to Vex.

To Vex, everything is transitory. Everything comes and goes – money, magical items, weapons, homes, even people come and go.

She used to think there were things she would always have, like her brother. But she has seen him almost die too many times now for her to still believe that. There _will_ come a day when one of them will lose the other. Selfishly, she hopes she isn't the one forced to go on living without the other half of her soul, but given Vax's habit of rushing into danger, it doesn't seem likely.

As much as she wants to be able to hold on to things forever, she has learned the hard way that she can't. But that doesn't mean she won't dig her claws in and hold tight.

You lose everything in the end, but losing something is not the same as letting it go. Vex has worked hard for everything she's ever had and she'll be damned if anyone takes something from her without a fight.

She has fought merchants for every scrap of gold, she has fought Vorugal for Greyskull Keep, she has fought poachers for Trinket, she has fought the Briarwoods and Orthax for Percy, and she has fought anything and everything for her brother and the rest of her family. These things are _hers_ and she will not easily lose them.

In this, Vex and Keyleth differ. Keyleth thinks in the long term. What are the ramifications of this action years from now? How will this effect the future? She was raised to think this way because she would one day be the leader of a tribe that needed her to look out for their long term survival. It's understandable and maybe even admirable, but Vex can't think that way.

Vex is a creature of the present – of impulse and temporary pleasures. She has never had to look out for anyone but herself and her brother. Both of them are well aware that things you have one day (money, food, shelter, friends) may very well be gone the next. So Vex does not enjoy the things she has because she thinks she will always have them, but precisely because she knows she won't.

To Keyleth, something she will lose eventually is something she might as well learn to live without now. Why wait for the pain when she can rip the bandage off now and save herself the trouble later? What Keyleth doesn't understand is that _it will still hurt later_. So why should she surrender anything before she has to?

Vex and Vax hadn't seen their mother in years when they found out she had passed and Byroden had been destroyed. The pain wasn't any less for it.

So Vex doesn't worry about Percy's shorter lifespan. Percy also doesn't worry about it, though that may be because Percy is constantly surprised that he's still alive. Percy does not expect to die of old age, and if Vex is being honest, she doesn't expect him to either. Vex doesn't expect any of them to die of old age. Not when there is always a new adventure on the horizon and a new danger around the corner.

It is because of this that every time they spend the night in Scanlan's mansion, Vex sneaks out of her room in the evening and crawls into Percy's bed. Sometimes they do things. Oftentimes they don't, usually because one or both of them are injured or exhausted. It's enough just to be close to him and remind herself that they are both still here. She has not lost him yet.

They haven't said anything to the rest of the group yet, and frankly they don't intend to. If they find out, then fine, but having had front row seats to the Vax and Keyleth show? Vex and Percy dearly love both of them, obviously, but they have no desire for an audience of their own. Lesson learned, keep it quiet, pretend nothing's changed in public, be happy together in private.

It's easier some days than others. She still flirts with him, of course, the others would find it stranger if she didn't. But earlier today she drew a line down his face with soot and the expression he made – she wanted to kiss the pout off of his face _so badly_. She'll get her chance though. Percy still has the line on his face, though it's a bit smudged (from his mask, from sweat, from the acid that nearly killed him).

In the mansion, she doesn't even bother looking for her own room. All of them separate to either get cleaned up or just go pass out, and Vex heads straight for the dining room. There, she methodically removes all of Trinket's armor and stacks it in a neat pile against the wall. It takes a good fifteen minutes but it's worth it for the noise of happiness she gets from Trinket and the affectionate nuzzling. 

She takes him into the kitchen, empty except for the ghostly servants, and kisses the top of his head. “Anything you want in here is yours, darling. You earned it.”

Trinket gives a low rumble of pleasure and immediately sticks his entire head into a bin full of mixed fruits. Vex gives him a pat on the flank and leaves him to it. Then she goes looking for Percy's room. Percy won't be in it, of course, he's still outside helping Keyleth dismantle their prize because even nearly dying won't stop Percy from being a gentleman when someone needs assistance. But tonight, Vex can't be bothered with staying in her own room until everyone else is asleep. They're all distracted, no one is going to notice anyway.

The layout of the mansion isn't static since it operates on Scanlan's whims. Certain things are always the same, such as the kitchen being full of chicken, Scanlan's own room being the most opulent, and Pike and Kaylee having rooms next to his regardless of whether or not they're there to use them. The rest of the bedrooms are personalized but not always in the same place they were before. Percy's room is usually near the workshop, however, and the workshop is always in the same place – as far away from the other bedrooms as possible. Scanlan may not understand what Percy gets up to in his workshop, but he does understand the danger involved.

This time, Percy's bedroom is actually attached to the workshop, with the workshop serving as a sort of bizarre antechamber. It's strange, but it's another locked door between her and her brother finding out who she's been sleeping with, so she'll take it. For what little locked doors are worth when it comes to Vax, anyway.

In the workshop is a clean barrel of water that would be useful for forging if Percy was going to get any done tonight but he isn't, so Vex uses it to clean herself off as best she can. It's no proper bath but she doesn't have the energy for that right now anyway. She wipes away the soot and grime, the blood and sweat, and the lingering acid on her armor. She is _tired_ , right down to her bones, and now that the adrenaline rush is fading, she just wants to sleep for a week. Fortunately, she's close to a bed.

Inside Percy's room, her quiver, bow, and the empty crystal necklace all go on a barren desk that Percy has never used because he gets all his work done in the workshop and Scanlan doesn't think very hard about these things. She intends to take her armor off but she sits down on the bed to more easily remove her boots and it's – god it's nice to just sit down. She'll just lay down for a second, then she'll take her armor off. Just a...

It must be only moments later when she feels Percy's hands gently carding through her hair, removing the feathers and undoing her braid. “You're done already?” she asks muzzily.

“It's been hours, love,” he says, whisper quiet as though there were anyone else in the room to wake. “There was a lot of dragon to de-scale. Let's get you out of this, hmm?”

“Mm, s'not the smoothest line you've ever used.”

Percy chuckles warmly and begins unlacing the straps of her leathers with fingers that are still nimble and sure, even though their owner has barely slept for three days now. Vex is approximately zero help in getting her own armor off, too sleepy and more interested in watching him.

The shadows under his eyes look like deep bruises and he's scruffy enough that it'll probably annoy him into shaving in the morning (or more realistically, in the afternoon). The line of soot down his face is just a blurry smudge that he's probably forgotten about. He's not wearing much other than his trousers. Most of his clothes were long past salvageable when Vex saw them earlier and she can see where the acid ate through them, leaving pockmarks on his skin that weren't fully healed by Pike. The lingering magic will heal them overnight and add them to his vast collection of scars.

Percy tugs at the waist of her pants and Vex obligingly lifts her hips so he can slide them off. He tosses them on the ground, which isn't really like him, but he's obviously ready to sleep and Vex isn't going to add another step for him. Even as tired as he is though, he still finds the time to lean over her, bracing his elbows on the bed at either side of her head, and kisses her, soft and sweet. His bare chest presses against hers in a way that might have been sexual had either of them had the energy to pursue it, but is instead just pleasant and warm. She smiles against his mouth until he finally pulls away to remove his glasses and climb into bed.

Between the two of them, they manage to get under the blankets with the bare minimum of movement and Vex isn't surprised when Percy is down and out the second his head hits the pillows. Vex stays awake a moment longer, just enough to rearrange herself on a far superior pillow: Percy's chest. His steady breathing is a soothing lullaby that sings to her, _I'm still here, I'm still here_ , and as tired as she is, she doesn't know if she could fall asleep without it.

She will lose him eventually, inevitably, but that's no reason not to spend time with him now. If they kill the dragons, and none of them die, and there are no more dangers after that to face (all of these things increasingly unlikely), then Percy will likely go back to Whitestone and Vex will follow him there. Perhaps they'll get married. Perhaps they'll have children. Vex can hardly imagine doing so, but she also couldn't imagine killing any of the dragons and now Umbrasyl lies dead in the heart of Gatshadow. She won't rule anything out.

(If she sometimes dreams of little mostly-human children with dark hair, bright blue eyes, and an uncanny sense of aim, well, that's no one's business but her own.)

Maybe one day she'll have to watch him die but she'll make sure that before that time comes, she will have spent every moment she possibly could with him. She knows what the average human lifespan is. She also knows the lifespan of the average grizzly bear. She knows that, realistically, her brother should have been dead a dozen times over.

These are not reasons to push someone away, only reasons to tighten her grip. These are reasons to spend her mornings braiding her brother's hair and letting him braid hers. These are reasons to spend her afternoons polishing Trinket's armor and feeding him whole chickens from Scanlan's magical kitchen. These are reasons to spend her evenings in Percy's bed with the heat of his body surrounding her and his heartbeat under her ear, lulling her to sleep.

Whatever tomorrow brings, she has this now and that's enough. That has to be enough.


End file.
